The Labyrinth, Hetalia Style
by AliceGoBoom
Summary: Alfred has to solve the dreaded Labyrinth to find his baby brother, who he wished away! Unfortunately Arthur, the Goblin King, is determined to do all that he can to stop him but in this world, everything is possible and nothing is what it seems.
1. The White Owl

A very ominous storm seemed to creep closer and closer to the scene our young heroine was placed.

Well, hero actually.

Not that he noticed the storm of course.

He was far to wrapped up in his fantasies to care much.

-

Alfred F. Jones dashed nest to the river in one of his long white dresses.

Thank god no one was around today...

You see Alfred absolutely loved anything and everything fiction or fantasy, and his school was going to perform one of his favorite plays.

And, being the stage hog that he is, our hero tried out for the heroine of the play.

And nailed it better than any of the other girls every could.

Sighing, he stopped in front of a lamp post with a white owl perched on the top.

Not even caring to thin as to _why _an owl was hanging around in broad daylight, he began to recite his lines.

"Give me the child," He began strongly, "through dangers untold and hardships un-numbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city-" Thunder roared around him, "-to take back the child that you have stolen."

The owl tilted its head to the side, it had strange markings over it's eyes, they almost looked like eyebrows.

It was kind of hilarious.

But Alfred didn't break character.

"For my will is as strong as yours...and my kingdom is as great!"

More thunder clapped through the park.

The owl watched with curious eyes from atop it's post.

Alfred frowned and searched his head for the rest of the script, "My will is as strong as yours…my kingdom as great…" he mumbled, "Dammit! I can never freaking remember that line!" He yelled and reached into his dress to pull out the script.

Flipping it to the right page Alfred let a sigh escape him, "'You have no power over me.' Really, it's not that hard a line. Why do I always forget it? It's like, I _have _to or something." He shook his head in agitation.

Suddenly the clock in town went off.

Alfred froze, "Omigawd! I don't believe it Hana! It's seven o' clock!" He yelled to his little white dog that sat on the nearby porch.

"We're gonna be late! C'mon!" He patted his leg and the dog jumped up from his spot, following his master as he ran down the streets back home.

Alfred's iPod hummed in his ears quietly.

"_No one can blame you_

_For walking away-"_

The rain came down harder and harder as they got closer to home.

He could see his step mother waiting for him at the porch.

_Crap. _He thought and slowed to a stop in front of the steaming parental unit.

Feliks taped his foot angrily, brushing his hair behind his ears.

"Alfred-" He began, "You're like, totally an hour late!"

"I'm sorry! It's just-"

"Well don't stand out there in the rain! Like, get your butt in here!" He demanded.

Alfred sighed and took a step towards the door, patting his leg for Hana Tamago to follow.

"Oh em gee! Not the dog!" Feliks squealed.

"What? But its pouring out here!" Alfred protested.

"Like, totally don't even care! Into the garage! Please!"

Alfred huffed and shooed his dog away towards the garage door.

When the dog was settled, Alfred stormed inside, ripping the crown of flowers off his head.

"Alfred, you're, like, an hour late." Feliks sighed, following Alfred to the edge of the stairs.

"I said I was sorry!"

"Let me finish! Your father and I, like, hardly ever go out-"

"You go out every freaking weekend!" Alfred interrupted.

"-and I totally ask you to baby-sit only if it clashes with your plans!"

It was only then Alfred noticed his "step mother's" wardrobe.

Feliks was wearing a flapper dress.

"You're just too weird..." He mumbled, (not that he had room to talk either, wearing a dress himself and all...)

"And what do you know? You don't care what I plan! You don't even ask me anymore!" Alfred argued.

"Well you should totally tell me if you have a date! We could go out shopping and everything! I'd love it if you had a date, you should like, tons of dates are your age!" Feliks put a hand on his hip.

Alfred's glare turned colder.

"Not cool, man." He muttered and stomped towards the stairs.

Toris, Alfred's father and Feliks' husband, walked into the room, holding Alfred's baby brother Matthew.

"Ah, Alfred! You're home." Toris said with a relieved sigh. "We were so worried about you!"

"I can't do anything right, can I?!" Alfred screamed as he stomped up the stairs.

Feliks turned towards his husband with a pained look, "He treats me like a total wicked step mother all the time and stuff, its no fair." He said with a pout.

"I'll talk to him." Toris sighed and followed after his son with Matthew still in hand.

Alfred sat in his room, staring at the reflection on his vanity. (Yes, he had a vanity. All actors do!... Shut up.)

"Through dangers untold and hardships un-numbered," He mumbled and glanced at the lip stick in his hand.

He'd have to wear that in the play too...how much would his masculinity decline if he stayed in theatre?

He absolutely loved theatre though, so much that he didn't even care if he had to dress up as a woman to get the lead role! _Men played women originally anyway! _He told himself over again.

Giving the red tube a wary look he began to slowly inch it towards his lips. Great, Feliks was rubbing off on him.

Suddenly there was a knock at his door.

"Al, I need to talk to you." Toris' voice spoke from outside the wood.

Alfred sighed and shoved the tube of lipstick into his pocket.

"There's nothing to talk about." Alfred turned to look back at the door, "You better hurry or you're going to be late, dammit." He called.

"Language!" Toris warned, "Listen we really have to go right now, I'm putting Matthew to bed. We'll be back."

Alfred heard the foot steps leave his doorway with a pout.

"Ya' really wanted to talk to me, huh?" He whined and shot up from his chair, only to fall flat on his stomach on his bed, "Practically broke down the door!" He shouted, his voice muffled by his bed sheets.

Suddenly Alfred felt a disturbance in the force.

His head shot up to glance at his collection of (manly!) stuffed animals. One of them was missing…

"Lancelot!" He gasped and began to get up form his bed, but then a thought ran through his mind.

What the heck was wrong with him, really? Not only did he collect stuffed animals, but he went head and named them all after knights of the round table and anything else that had to do with these fairytale stories.

_I'm American aren't I?! _He thought with a confused look. It didn't matter right now, he just had to get Lancelot back.

He sot out of his room towards his parent's in a blur.

His baby brother stood in the middle of his crib crying. Lancelot lay on the floor, looking miserable.

"You brat!" Alfred shouted and snatched his bear back from the ground.

"K-Kuma...jirou!" Matthew sobbed and pointed to the small white bear in Alfred's arms.

"No! His name's Lancelot! I hate you!" Alfred screamed.

This only made Matthew's sobs grow louder.

Alfred threw his head to glance at the ceiling with a pleading look, "Someone save me! Take me away from this awful place!" He yelled dramatically. "...Hey that was pretty good."

Matthew held his arms out towards his brother, snot and tears running down his face.

Taking a seat on his parents bed, Alfred crossed his arms and glared at his younger brother.

"What do you want?! A story? Alright, once upon a time there was this poor American son with a baby Canadian brother, even though their dad was Lithuanian and the baby's mother was Polish! And the mean Polish step father insisted on being called the step _**mother **_and made the adorable American kid stay home with the baby!"

Matthew was quiet now, staring at Alfred with incredulous eyes.

"That's right!" Alfred spat and stood up from the bed to walk back over to the crib, kneeling in front of the child's face.

"And the baby was so spoiled and wanted everything for himself and the American was like…a slave or something!"

Suddenly, Alfred had one of his fantasies. "But..." He began quietly, "What no one knew was that the King of the Goblins had fallen in love with the American, even though he was a limey, and he'd given her super cool powers!" Alfred turned on his heel and walked over to the mirror in his parent's wall.

Thunder roared from outside and lightning lit up the darkness outside the window.

"So one night, when the brat was being particularly cruel to him, he called on the goblins for help." He muttered to his reflection.

Alfred glanced at his brother from the mirror, "'Say your right words'" , the goblins said," He said, attempting to change his voice to a nasally whine, "And we'll take the brat to the Goblin City, and you'll be free!" Alfred said in triumphant, finally turning his whole body to face his brother again.

More thunder and lightening broke the silence.

"But the American knew that the King would keep the baby forever and turn it into a goblin, so the boy suffered in silence, cause he didn't want to be a jerk and give away his baby brother . But one night, everyone was being so mean to him, that he couldn't stand it."

Matthew chose this moment to begin his crying rage again.

Alfred sighed and pulled the baby out of his crib, bouncing the baby on his hip. "C'mon Matt, stobbit! I'll say 'em! I'll say the words!…No I mustn't, I mustn't say." He said theatrically.

He looked down at the baby with a thoughtful look. "I wish...I wish..."

Everything was quiet, like someone was waiting, just waiting for Alfred to continue.

"I can't take it! Goblin King Goblin King, where ever you may be, take this child of mine far away from me!" He yelled.

Silence...

"Okay, _**that**_ was the gayest thing I've ever said." Alfred thought with an irritated twitch.

Matthew's cries grew louder, "Jeez, Matthew stobbit! You're so annoying! I wish I did know what to say to make them take you away!"

Alfred let out a groan and laid his brother back down in his crib.

He opened the door, but before making his exit, he looked back to his brother with a glare. "I wish the goblins _**would **_take you away..." He mumbled and turned the light off with a click of the switch, "Right now." And with that final wish, walked out of the room.

Alfred wasn't even two steps away from the door when he noticed something.

Everything in the house was way too quiet.

Matthew had stopped crying immediately. That wasn't normal, was it?

Frowning, Alfred stalked back into the room. "Mathew?" He muttered in the darkness.

He went to flip the switch. Nothing happened. The power must have gone out.

"Matthew? Why aren't you crying?" He asked, his tone a little shaky.

It was way dark and creepy, plus it was storming, this was just like what happens in the horror movies!

Lightening lit up the room.

Alfred walked over to Matthew's crib and in a final act of courage, pulled his sheets up only to reveal absolutely nothing.

Matthew was gone.

Suddenly the storm was going crazy and it seemed like everything was moving around Alfred.

The door slammed, the bed springs whined, drawers opened and closed.

He turned every which way to catch a glimpse of what ever was doing this, but they were too fast.

They looked like little creatures..._**ugly**_ little couldn't see straight, everything was moving.

Something was clawing at the porch's sliding door.

Talons scratched at the glass over and over again.

**What the hell was going on?!**

Suddenly the doors burst open and a single white owl flew in.

Alfred turned his head as if flew over him.

He watched it's shadow morph into something else...the figure of a man.

Alfred his head back up immediately.

A thin man in black stood with a smirk on his face, his cape brushing around him.

He seemed to glow.

The man turned his glance to Alfred, his smirk widening.

Alfred stood there, mesmerized.

In that moment, he knew exactly who this stranger was.

_The Goblin King. _

* * *

**A/N: **Hey! Alice here! Thanks so much for reading my brand new gonna-be-way-too-cool story! I freaking LOVE the Labyrinth, David Bowie/Jareth and everything else that has to do with the Labyrinth! So I hope you enjoyed it and didn't think I butchered the movie too much! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! THANKS AGAIN!


	2. The Dwarf

"Y-you're him aren't you? You're the Goblin King." Alfred muttered in awe.

The king said nothing, but smirked and tilted his head to the side.

"I imagined you taller…" Alfred said blankly.

Really it was a little odd staring down at someone so intimidating. . .not that he was intimidated or anything anyway! . . .Shut up!

Scowling, the king did a mock bow, "Arthur." He stated, "And I guess I'll let that comment slide seeing as you're an. . .American." He spat the world out as if it were dirt.

Alfred frowned, "Well, yeah. America's like the best country ever and-Hey wait! I just want my brother back, okay?" He cried.

"Sorry. What's said is said." The King sighed.

"But I didn't mean it!"

"Oh! You didn't?" Arthur asked with a smirk, pulling at the end of his black, leather glove.

"C'mon! Where is he?" Alfred cried in desperation. Really, he just needed his little fucking brother back, no big deal!

The Goblin King smiled a knowing smile and walked up to Alfred, crossing his arms over his chest.

Oh man that chest looked absolutely fantastic. . .

Wait, what was that?

"Alfred" he began, "Go back to your room. Play with your toys and your costumes. . .forget about the baby."

That just kind of pissed the teen off. It made him sound like a child or something, playing with his dolls and playing dress up. . .

"Really now! I mean, it's super cool that you would go through all the trouble to do this for me and all but my parents will be so freaking pissed and I don't hate Matt _that _much so-"

"Alfred." Arthur interrupted with a smile, "I've brought you a gift." He said and held up his hand. A glass ball appeared, shining in the moonlight.

Oh boy. Alfred was always a sucker for gifts.

"What is it?" He asked suspiciously.

The king laughed and began to roll it back and forth, over his hand.

A skill that took a bit of training. . .or maybe it was something more.

Either way, Alfred has always wanted to do that.

"It's a crystal, nothing more." Arthur assured, "But if you turn it this way, look into it. . .it'll show you your dreams."

Okay, he kind of already knew what his dreams were and stuff, but still. . .being able to _see _them would be pretty awesome.

"But-" Arthur continued, "this is not a gift for an ordinary-" He paused, "boy. . ." (Great. The jerk had probably seen him in his dress. ) "Who takes care of a screaming baby."

It was quiet then.

Alfred started at the crystal in awe.

"Do you want it?" The Goblin King asked, offering him the ball.

Blue eyes met green then, obviously interested in such a wonderful gift.

Arthur smirked and gestured to the crystal in his hands, "Then forget the baby."

"L-Listen," Alfred finally spoke up, shaking his head irritably. Matt first gifts second! "It isn't that I don't appreciate what you're doing for me and all, its just I _need _my brother back. My parents are gonna be so ticked! And Matt's probably really scared and all-"

"Alfred!" The King interrupted, "You're English is atrocious." And in that instant the crystal ball was a snake, slithering menacingly in Arthur's hands, "Don't defy me." He said strictly, and threw the snake around Alfred's neck.

Alfred gasped and pulled the snake from around him, flinging it to the ground.

What was just a snake seconds ago, was suddenly a scarf.

A goblin peeked put from under it and ran off, snickering under his breath.

The room seemed to laugh then. Dozens of goblins giggled from their hiding places.

"You're no match for me Alfred." Arthur said with a laugh of his own.

"Please." Alfred said quietly, "Where is he?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and moved aside, gesturing towards the window. No one ever wanted to just hand these brats over quietly anymore. "He's there. In my castle."

A castle right outside his window? No way. Then again, all of this seemed so crazy. Why couldn't there be a castle in his back yard?

Alfred walked to his balcony and suddenly the house was gone.

About a mile in front of him was the castle, surrounded by what seemed to be a huge maze. . .a labyrinth.

"Is that. . .the castle beyond the Goblin City?" Alfred asked, his eyes never leaving the great maze.

Arthur stood a little further away, watching Alfred carefully. "Turn back Alfred. Turn back before it's too late." He mumbled ominously.

Jeez, this guy was freaking creepy! But Alfred was a hero, and no short, lanky, creepy, peterpan-_tight_-tights wearing king was going to keep him from getting his brother back!

Now Alfred had to say something cool and heroic! "I can't." He said firmly, turning his head to glance at the King. "Don't you understand that I can't?" Nice one.

"Such a pity." Arthur said in a not so interested tone. He didn't really sound like it was much of a pity, the jerk.

Alfred turned his head back to the maze. "It doesn't look very far." He said defiantly.

Then Arthur was next to him, looking up at Alfred with a cocky smirk. Yeah, that was actually really kinda sexy. . . "It's further than you think. Time is short." He walked back to an old, dying tree, a golden clock hung on to it's trunk, the numbers counting to thirteen.

Arthur, with a flick of his wrist, had the only hand on the clock move to the first hour. "You have thirteen hours in which to solve the labyrinth, before your baby brother becomes one of us. . ..forever."

Then Arthur seemed to disappear in thin air.

"_Such a pity." _His voice echoed all around the teen, sending shivers down his spine.

Alfred glanced to the clock then back to the labyrinth.

"Better get a move on then." He muttered and headed towards the walls of the maze.

* * *

Alfred entered a clearing after a hopeless search for a door into the labyrinth.

He couldn't find so much as a hole!

"This sucks." He mumbled, walking over to a dirty old pond.

It was then he noticed a figure sitting next to the edge, pouring something into the murky water.

It was an extremely large man, covered in clothes fit for winter and a scarf hanging loosely around his neck.

He was holding something and whatever it was in his hand was leaking something red and thick into the pond.

The disgusting water was turning a dark crimson.

"E-Excuse me." Alfred muttered, edging closer to the large man.

Whatever he had been holding fell into the water with a loud splash. "Oh! Excuse _me_!" The man sang and turned to Alfred, who was surprised to look back into beautiful violet eyes. When the stranger got a good look at him his smile seemed to get colder and wider, and his eyes darkened. "Oh, it's you." He giggled.

The man picked himself up from the water's edge and made his way to the wall surrounding the labyrinth, reaching into his large coat to pull out a long petal pipe.

"Sorry to bother you, but I need to get through this labyrinth, can you help me?" Alfred asked, eying the pipe warily the glancing back to the pond for a moment.

The stranger said nothing. Something small and white flew by Alfred and up the man and before it could even pass him by, he swung his pipe and hit the white thing head on.

"Fifty seven." He said darkly.

Alfred let out a gasp when he saw that what the thing had been was actually a fairy or something, sprawled on the ground, her wings drooping.

Being the awesome hero that he was, Alfred went to pick her up, cradling her against his chest. "What the hell?" Alfred growled towards the evil man with the pipe. The fairy looked up him, trembling in terror, tears in the corner of its eyes. It had short, curly blonde hair and was wearing along shirt. "You monster-AH!" Alfred suddenly hissed in pain and dropped the fairy to the ground.

A brown haired one with a worried expression came out and flew off with it in his arms. Had it been wearing glasses. . .?

"It bit me!" He said, astonished.

The stranger stopped and laughed. "Well, what did you expect fairies to do?"

Alfred inspected his finger warily. Could you get rabies from fairy bites? "I thought they did nice little girly things, like granting wishes and stuff."

Again the stranger laughed. Really, stop it. "Shows what you know then. Silly." Another fairy flew by and in a blink was on the ground with a possible concussion, courtesy of the jerk with the big pipe.

"Horrible." Alfred mumbled and shook his head.

The stranger stopped and turned his body to look fully at the teen. "I am not _horrible_. I am Ivan, a _karlik_. Who are you?"

"What's a car lick?" Alfred asked, ignoring the question.

Ivan's smile widened, "_Karlik_. And in your language, _glupyi rebenok_, I am called a dwarf. You did not say who you are called."

The boy ignored him, again. "Really? You're a _dwarf_. . .Really?" He asked incredulously. This man was _not _a dwarf. He was a fucking giant.

"Where I am from, you do not ask for a name without getting one in return." Ivan said with a laugh and tapped his pipe on his shoulder.

"Where the hell are you from anyway? Whatever, name's Jones. Alfred Jones." He said with a wink.

"That is what I thought." Ivan sang and began walking away.

"Oh wait, hey!" Alfred called and ran after him, jogging along by his side. This guy had some long freaking legs! "Do you know where the door to the labyrinth is by any chance?"

"Ufu~ Maybe." Ivan giggled and sped up his pace. Really, this guy giggled a lot.

"That's great!" Alfred grinned and kept to the pace easily. Ivan didn't saw a word after that.

"Well where is it?" He finally asked.

"Where is what?" Ivan wondered with a hum.

"The _door_." Alfred stressed.

"What door?" Ivan replied.

Alfred stopped dead in tracks, pulling at his hair. "Ug! It's hopeless asking you anything, ya' freak!"

"Not if you ask the right questions." The 'freak' said darkly.

"Jesus! How do I get into the Labyrinth?" Alfred threw his hands back down to his sides.

Ivan stopped and turned his head to glance back at the boy. Alfred could see bits of his smirk behind his long scarf. "Hmm. Now _that _is the right question. Really, you American's never make any sense when wording your sentences." He laughed and walked back over to Alfred.

Before Alfred could reply to the comment, Ivan had a hand on his shoulder and was turning him the opposite direction. "You get in there." He whispered into his ear and gestured towards a door on the wall that wasn't there before.

The doors opened at their mention.

Alfred could feel Ivan's breath on his neck and decided to scramble out of this odd man's clutches. Before something weird went down.

"Well. . .thanks, I guess." He muttered, never taking his gaze away from the doors. (Mainly to avoid eye contact with mister homicide next to him.)

"You _guess_? How rude. I suppose you are actually going in then?" Ivan asked and crossed his arms looked down at Alfred expectantly.

He nodded and glanced at Ivan from the corner of his eyes. "I kinda have to. See I wished my brother away and all that. . ."

"I see. _Togda udachi, bednyaga,_ kolkolkol."

Alfred didn't reply, seeing as he didn't speak freak, and with his final thoughts of encouragement, walked through the huge double doors and into the dark recesses of the labyrinth.

* * *

_glupyi rebenok- _(russian) stupid child

_Togda udachi, bednyaga_- (russian) Then good luck, poor soul

**A word if you please: **Well, thank's so much for reding! Now, please keep in mind that I used google translator for the Russian! If I made any mistakes at all please let me know! I'll be more than happy to correct them. This one's not very great because I wanted to do a quick update...Sorry about that! But I would love to hear your thoughts! What did you all think of Ivan as Hoggle? Review! THANKS AGAIN!


End file.
